And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
—Matthew 19:9
“I’m going to have to ask you to step down.”
A friend of mine played drums in the praise band in his church. No formal training, but he loved it. He said God was playing through him and he was along for the ride.
Then he got divorced. And was asked to leave.
I don’t know all the details about what ended his marriage. What I do know is that the very place that should have offered him support, healing, acceptance and a way forward shut the door in his face.
In a country where divorce has touched so many lives, including the lives of deeply faithful people, the church certainly has something to say about this.
Unfortunately, a lot of it can be painful and damaging.
I do understand why some churches take a strong stand against divorce. Unlike homosexuality, or abortion, or IVF or any number of current controversial issues, Jesus actually talks about this issue.
But let’s look a little deeper.
In the biblical tradition, a man could present his wife with a certificate of divorce and leave her destitute. The same was very rarely true in reverse. Women had little or no right to dissolve a marriage covenant.
Jesus challenges the hard-heartedness behind that injustice.
Why? Because Jesus carries on a message that forms the spine of all of scripture: covenant. Jesus reminds us that God works through covenants, mutual, nurturing ties that bind us together. When humans make loving covenants with each other, it is a reflection of God’s love for us.
But covenants do fail, sometimes. Marriages do end. Some people enter into marriage too lightly. Or problems manifest over time. Sometimes people just grow apart.
And, yes, sometimes people cheat or abuse or abandon. No one should ever endure an abusive relationship to maintain the appearance of holiness.
It is sad when a marriage covenant ends, even when ending it is necessary. If Israel has taught us anything, it’s that covenants aren’t always kept. The story of the Old Testament is largely the story of people struggling to uphold its end of a covenant with God–and frequently failing.
But God is always willing to work on a relationship with anyone: people who have been mistreated, and even people who have done the mistreating.
We have no shortage of divorced people in my church. Many have long-since remarried. Others remain single, some happily, while others keep looking for a healthier connection.
All of them, all of us, are called to live covenantally.
Divorce doesn’t make God’s people less-than, or shameful, or outcasts. It makes them human.
If you are divorced, you are welcome in our church. You belong here. Not because you’re a sinner in need of saving–any more than any of us are, but because you, too, are a person in need of covenantal love.
Perhaps you need healing, support, acceptance and a way forward. You may also need fellowship, or space to sort things out, or a kind, listening ear. My prayer is that the church can be a place where you find them.
Being divorced does not take away your ability to be faithful.
It’s just a difficult turn on a winding road…
that you never have to walk alone.
Have a great week,
Mitch
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