Your Tact Quotient

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

Hey you! It’s time for a heart to heart.

Not between you and me–I’m talking about between you and _____________. The person in that blank is someone you’ve got issues with, and darn it, it’s time to talk about them! It could be a difference of opinion, a performance review, or some other difficult subject you need to discuss.

You open your mouth. What comes out?

It’s a matter of tact, right? The way we approach the next 5 or 10 minutes may have some pretty significant implications. Is there a Christ-like way to talk with someone about the tough stuff?

Sure. Here’s a few ways Jesus approached difficult topics:

Dinner. Jesus changed Zacchaeus’ life by having dinner with him. Somehow sharing a couple nice salasd or burritos together can set the tone for the conversation. A time not to just eat, but to talk, and importantly, to listen.
Choose your words carefully. Think about how tactfully the beatitudes introduce a powerful way of correcting behavior–I sincerely doubt Jesus just pulled the Sermon on the Mount out of a hat. He planned ahead.
Reconcile. In Matthew 5:21-26, Jesus says that instead of approaching with ridicule or anger, go to the altar and leave that anger there first. One of my favorite verses is Romans 12:18, when Paul says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Manage anxiety. At one very human point Jesus says, “You unbelieving generation…how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?” (Mark 9:19). Even Jesus’ frustration and anxiety seemed unavoidable. The key is that he didn’t allow it to sabotage his mission.
Less tact, more tactics. Let’s face it, there are more than a few times when Jesus was just plain blunt. He called out the pharisees for their hypocrisy, and apparently didn’t care who heard. Perhaps Jesus’ harsh words were part of his strategy–publicly naming a corrupt system in front of the very people who were victims of it. (That said, before we let loose with righteous anger, we’d better be darned sure we’ve tried 1-4 first!)

You and ___________ may have a productive exchange, or a contentious one. You may come away with a smile, or a collection of bruises. Part of that outcome may be affected by your “tact quotient” but remember that a difficult conversation can be a sacred moment, too.

When 2 or 3 are gathered…

Christ enters the conversation.