He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”

Matthew 16:15

Is this a design flaw?

I seem to care an awful lot about what others think about me. I’ll spend quite a bit of time wondering about people’s real opinion of me. Do they think I’m funny? Nice? Talented? Authentic?

Why does it matter so much? For me, it goes all the way back to my childhood. My parents were so supportive and affirming that I kind of became an affirmation junkie. What other people thought of me became as important as what I thought about myself. Sometimes more so!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting a feel for how you’re being perceived. They call it “reading the room”. Politicians feed on popularity polls. Social media users get little hits of dopamine for every like or heart or thumbs up they receive.

Maybe I’m not the only one with this issue.

Heck, Jesus seemed concerned about this, too. He actually asked his disciples to give him feedback about the crowd’s opinion of him. He then checked in with his inner-most circle: “Who do YOU say that I am?” Was this a cry for validation? A boost to his self-confidence?

No, but I think he wanted to see if his message was getting across–if he was being perceived the way he hoped. In the end, Peter’s declaration that Jesus was “the Messiah, Son of the Living God” hit the sweet spot. At least SOMEBODY seemed to know and appreciate who he was.

But Jesus was not fueled by that admiration or approval. In fact, his life’s work led him to be abandoned by just about everybody. When he said “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing,” it was a cry of sadness that, in the end, nobody really understood him.

I have to repeatedly remind myself that I can’t be fueled by other’s approval, either. It’s a lesson I may never fully learn. After all, isn’t it natural to want to be liked? I think so. That desire turns to dysfunction only when we begin to worship other people’s praise more than God’s grace. It is in fact grace that must fuel our lives and our actions. That’s a lifelong lesson, too.

We all have flaws, and one of mine is caring a little too much about what others think. I’ll keep working on that. I wasn’t designed to be that way. I was designed in the image of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. You were too.

I, for one, think you’re awesome. But I sincerely hope…

you already knew that.

Have a great week,

Mitch